Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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