forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
