I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
