I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
