went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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