i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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