What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
