I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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