Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
