Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
