turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
