May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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