Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
