Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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