he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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