I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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