My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
