wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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