I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
