Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
