i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
