I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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