Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
