I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He kissed a someone with a penis
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
