So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
