K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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