Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
