My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
NoShamevember. You game?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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