we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
