I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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