Umm I'm too high to move.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
