i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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