It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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