Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
