We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
