dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
