She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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