Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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