remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
