You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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