Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
