Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
