Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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