I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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