During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
