Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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