I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
