Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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