We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
