we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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